Posted by: gtcounseling | May 29, 2010

Healing From Past Hurts

Dear Mrs. Miller,

I have a lot of problems with my past, mainly problems with ex’s that didn’t treat me right or just didn’t act like they should have. Each was a messy break up that scarred me. Recently I haven’t been able to give up the past and I really need to know how. It’s been making me worry about my current relationship. I know my boyfriend isn’t like them and never will be but when we can’t be around each other I worry that he’s going to cheat or find someone else like the others have, even though I know he won’t and he tells me he won’t.

My past is keeping me from being happy and I really need to let it go. It makes me paranoid and if I don’t find a way to control this and let the past go, I’m afraid I might lose my boyfriend and I don’t want that. He is one of the best things in my life and I love him so much, I just need help to forget my past and let it go.

Thanks, Ruth

Dear Ruth,

What stands out nicely in your letter is your sincerity and searching heart on how you realize that you are the one who has a problem in your relationship in the areas of trust, intimacy and risk, and are seeking healing solutions for yourself. With your keen awareness and analysis of where it all your ‘stuff’ comes from, you are already in a very good position and a significant way down the road to recovery for yourself. Kudos to you!

Given that, I think the next logiocal step is to continue forward and get the help you need tin terms of working through all the baggage of those past hurts. It’s going to take time, but avenues available to you may be counseling, a women’s bible-study r other support group, pastoral help or even couples counseling so you can work on things together and your boyfriend can gain a beter understanding of your experience and how to build a happy, healthy relationship together going forward. Processing those old issues is key to coming to terms with your past and not allowing it to affect your present relationships. 

And, while it may be a bit overwhelming or hard to think about delving into those old issues and what more that may come up, it really is the best gift you can give yourself Ruth. A wise person seeks wise counsel from trusted others to make sure they’re on a steady path of healing and maturity. You’re off to a great start and my prayer for you is that you continue down the path set before you in God to get the help you need. 


Carole L. Miller, LCSW-C



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